Wednesday, June 07, 2006

***NEWS ALERT*** AMNESTY IN ! ! President Already Assimilated

Bush made the announcement just a few hours ago in Omaha, Nebraska.

Bush visited a community center that offers English and other classes along with business startup help. He also announced he was creating a new task force to encourage such efforts around the country and an Office of Citizenship within the Department of Homeland Security to promote the responsibilities and rights of American citizens.

Debbie Schlussel has the inside tip.

See, ya don't need a Congress to create a task force. Yep, the Office of Citizenship is gonna assimilate all those darned illegals no matter how much it costs or how long it takes. The first things that the Office of Citizenship should tackle are the health issues:

-In the First World, people leave their farm animals outside the human domicile. It was recently discovered that farm animals defecate where they happen to be standing at the time. Discovered even more recently is that feces is dirty.

-In the First World, we have built facilities to handle human waste, even the toilet paper. There is no need to throw used toilet paper in the sink or urinal, or to leave it piled up on the floor beside the WC.

-In the First World, we throw our trash in receptacles designed to hold it. We call these receptacles "trash cans".

I think that if the Office of Citizenship can successfully conquer these three all too common cultural differences, they might be able to tackle something bigger. Maybe they could teach our new citizens that not everybody likes mariachi music, and even fewer like the static-riddled AM versions that are most often preferred by our new countrymen.

The President continues,
"One aspect of making sure we have an immigration system that works, that's orderly and fair, is to actively reach out and help people assimilate into our country," Bush said in a speech at a local community college. "That means to learn the values and history and language of America."
Uuuhhh, yeah, sure. Is not breaking the law one of our values? Many people who have lived here their whole lives don't have a clue about U.S. history, and you think we are going to teach a 35-year-old border-hopper who the hell Myles Standish is? And why would any need to learn the language? There are TV and radio stations, newspapers, and businesses who cater solely to the Latino market. Most government services offer bilingual support. Hell, we have schools that teach brown separatism.

We won't even waste time on the notion that there will be "an immigration system that works, that's orderly and fair,...". I couldn't even type it without laughing.

Bush later gave a demonstration on how to be assimilated,
The president may have undermined that message somewhat while at the Juan Diego Center, as he joined in a class preparing students for their U.S. citizenship tests. Though the instructor addressed students in English, Bush mostly chose their native Spanish to greet and quiz them. When the students couldn't answer his question, how many father-son duos have served as president, Bush explained in Spanish that there have been two, the Bushes and "Juan Adams y su hijo Juan Q."

May have? Somewhat? Thank goodness the last quote was cut and paste. I laughed so hard my martini shot out my nose. Pity, it was damned good vodka. A healthy snort saved my olives though.

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